A Lack of Inspiration

"Sanity is a bit like intellect: most people don't realize they possess it until they encounter someone who doesn't."

Other possible things: "... a bit like money", and "... a bit like knowledge". But they don't sound quite as good.

Anyways, on to the actual topic.

I am horribly unmotivated, and uninspired. That sentence is the only good thing I've been able to write in a while, the only thing which sounds good as well as having an interesting meaning. Its very, very irritating. I can't be productive, and when I try to write about a particular subject, I'm unable to. I can hardly write to amuse myself anymore (and, to be honest, most of my writings are just to amuse myself. I'm perfectly aware that they're horrible, but, like a poor artist who is happy simply because he has managed to do something, even though it pales in comparison to the works of others, I'm happy with them).

I'm also not drawing as much, outside of class. Sure, I'm able to come up with some interesting looking things during that, but they're all based on the same formula of vaguely fractal plant-looking things and filling in white space with complex patterns. I'm doing more fun stuff with materials, though, so that's fine.

I don't even do the work which I need to do. It's just lack of motivation, and even when I sit down and tell myself that I will get something done, I lose interesting very quickly.

I'm not entirely sure why this is the case. I have a variety of theories, though, and I've managed to correlate it to some of my subjective perceptions and records, coming to various conclusions. The basic one is that, when I'm rather happy with life, I'm unmotivated.

Maybe it's just that my lack of sleep has been catching up with me, destroying my creativity first.

Hopefully that's the case, as that means that I'll be able to be productive over the summer, which would be nice - there are plenty of things which I should work on.

Other things which are going on:
* My band-of-the-moment is Procol Harum, a British rock band formed in the 1960s. I listened to A Whiter Shade of Pale after rereading The Salmon of Doubt, and noticing that it's mentioned quite a few times, and Douglas Adams apparently thought that it was quite good. It is, and so I'm listening to more of their music. A Whiter Shade of Pale is their best-known song, apparently, and the previous occurance of the title is a link to last.fm, where you could listen to it if you cared. I sort of recommend them, though I have horrible taste in music, so your milage may vary.
* Building and messing around with motors is fun. The current pinacle of the art, for me, is a motor which, by only occasionally tapping against the magnets to complete the circuit, managed to run for at least 15 hours without completely depleting the battery or causing it to warm up, which is fairly impressive, compared to previous attempts (which resulted, twice, in the labels peeling off due to heat).
* I'll know if Corporation is going to be run fairly soon, hopefully - the deadline for submissions is coming up, and supposedly they'll be finalizing the schedule soon after. So yeah. I'm not actually that worried about it: either it will be run, which will be fun, or something better will be run, which will be more fun, with the added benefit of me not having to stress about it.
* My laptop continues to have some issues, though these are now self-inflicated software ones (there isn't enough space to upgrade the entire system). I'm considering doing various crazy things to try and get the space, including reinstalling arch (which I don't want to do). On the other hand, it works now ... probably a project for the summer.
* I've been vaguelly working on getting my Arduino to do more stuff, and have got it completely hooked into a breadboard. I should have gotten a prototyping sheild, but this works, so whatever. It's currently controlling a line of 5 LEDs (it would be 8, but I only have 5 at the moment), and not doing much other than making sure that all the wiring is fine. Not that interesting yet.
* I'm very tired, as I may have mentioned. I really, really need to start getting more sleep. Yes, it's ridiculous that I generally get into be by 10:30 and wake up at 7 and am still tired, and yes, I know that I probably get the most sleep of anyone I know and yet am one of the most tired, but that's the way it is.

That's basically the state of my life. Since you've read this far, I'm going to assume that you either care, are extremely bored, or need something to laugh at. If it's the first, you should actually talk to me instead, if it's the second I recommend 365tomorrows or huge portions of the internet, and if it's the third here's a joke:

Q: Why did the tourist fail to cross the road?
A: The road was the border between the USA and an Airport. The tourist had an accent, and the security people thought that it said terrorism instead of tourism. It was tackled by a number of large security guards, and its spine was broken in the process. It was removed from the premise in a body bag after being disassembled by a bomb squad just in case.

Welcome to my world. Everything is trying to kill you.

Opinions on Stuff

I am once again going to force my petty little opinions down your throats, or more accurately your minds. Although force isn't exactly the right word, it's the closest one I can think of, since you seem to still be reading this - and the gods know there isn't any reason for you to other than a sick, twisted desire to know what I'm thinking. Or maybe just to laugh at me, as I rant like a parrot in a cage filled with spikes.

(Yes, I'm in a bit of a bad mood, and fed up with this world. My head hurts too much to deal with it.)

In this short thing of opinions, things which you should watch because they are awesome. In no real order,

• Eden of the East
  
• Paranoia Agent
  
• Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei
  
• Baccano!
  
• The Prisoner
  
• Get Smart (the original series)
  

The basic criteria for all of these is that 1) They are awesome, 2) They have had an effect on how my mind works, and 3) I did not lose interest in them even after they ended / I finished watching them. If that last one was not there, I would have also included Chaos;Head, Ghost Hound, and Spice+Wolf - which were all very good, but which I lost interest in before finishing, for various reasons (Chaos;Head just stopped interesting me, Ghost Hound and Spice+Wolf I had issues getting the latest episodes of and never got around to catching up on).

Now, I'm going back to watching the latest episode of Eden of the East. Don't break anything.

My Brain Hurts

Today was a good day. It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't nearly as good as I was expecting, but it was okay. I finished reading Transmetropolitan (which was quite good), and basically just sat around and thought. Walking around in the aftermath of the rain is always amusing; the world looked new. I should have brought my camera with me, to take pictures of the plants, but I didn't. Life is full of those little regrets.

My head always hurts, now. I forgot how to use doorknobs for a second. I remembered quickly, though, and the door in the bathroom is pretty horrible. Walking into it would probably make it open. My brain has issues, to put it bluntly. Retrieving most memories or knowledge takes at least 30 seconds, if I'm not thinking of or considering it. I'm good at making up plausible stuff, though, and sometimes it's even true, so I don't think that most people notice.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm simply getting the backwash from someone else's mind, if somewhere out there there's someone who can do anything and feel perfectly fine (I do nothing, and feel horrible). If I ever find that person, I would kill them in the most painful way imaginable, except then I'd probably have to deal with my body rotting away.

As it is, I just have to blame lack of sleep, and a systematic program of messing around with my body, just not caring about all of the things I should be doing to keep it functioning. It still works, but not all the time, and I honestly can't see any benefits. Sure, having hair which forms little helices is rather fun, but is it worth feeling sick almost every morning and having trouble eating until I've been awake for at least an hour?

The two are probably completely unrelated. Spiraling hair is the only benefit I can think of.

Except my mind, perhaps: when it works it works very, very well. When it doesn't (which seems to include any time someone says that I'm intelligent) I get easily distractable, forget basic math, feel like falling over, or completely detach from conversation.

In general, when I say that I feel like falling over, I probably won't, unless I'm very tired. When I do fall over, chances are that it was arranged in a way so that I would not be hurt, especially if I feel off a chair. It is perfectly safe, and preferable, to ignore the event, and carry on conversation as if nothing had happened.

To clarify: I do not fall over because I want your attention. I fall over because I feel like it, and because floors are often more comfortable than chairs.

The third previous sentence is to be ignored if I verbally indicate that I am injured, or am bleeding or unconscious. In such a situation, it is appropriate to ask if I require assistance, or to inform me that I am injured if I have not noticed. If am am unconscious, it is recommended that you consult a doctor, but do not move me, as that can lead to complications of a minor issue. Pouring water on my face is acceptable, but only if slapping me thrice has failed to wake me.

I have laid out these rules because very few people seem to understand them, especially the bit about ignoring me falling over, and the bit about what to do

As I said, probably, I am extremely tired. I am also not entirely sure if this is reality, a dream, hallucination, or something else entirely. It would be appreciated if arguments as to the validity of those viewpoints is presented.

Acceptable arguments for this being a dream:

• Clear application of dream logic to a situation, such as travel, actions, or architecture.
• Transforming into something else, for no apparent reason (this is only considered valid in support of dream logic).

Acceptable arguments for hallucination:

• Turning into spiders, or other insects, and attacking me.
• Turning into something nightmarish, and attacking me, while vomiting drugs or politicians.
• Presenting me with a supply of used drugs, and evidence that they were used on me (for example, needle tracks, or partially dissolved capsules in my stomach).

Acceptable arguments for something else entirely:

• Anything involving quantum mechanics.
• Anything involving Schroedinger.
• Anything involving the collapse of the false vacuum.
• Anything involving effecting reality with math.

Acceptable arguments for reality:

• None.

I hope that that has cleared the issue up slightly. Arguments may be sent to my email address, to me via facebook, told in person (as is required for some of them, although some are actually strengthened by being applied over some other communications medium), through smoke signals, telepathy, miraculous formation of wildflowers on my limbs or wall, or divine revelation.

Questions about the King of Walrus, and how to render tribute to him, may be directed by any of the stated methods, and by courier. Requests for diplomatic status should be sent to the Walrus Consulate, which you may locate in any reputable directory of psychologists.

Refusal to read this line constitutes a legally binding agreement to throw a paperback book at my head.

If you have failed to read the above line, please contact me. If you have succeeded in doing so, but refuse to do so again on principle, it still applies to you. Contact me in person at any suitable time, and I will provide the necessary devices.

This is your standard supply of hand-selected Markov Fragments:

It feels like a furry chicken, tail wrapped neatly around its front paws.
He began to throw all propriety aside? How undignified!
Explanations will be essential for combat and shouldn’t try to kick the can down.
T`ien Tan also collected 20,000 ounces of silver.

That's all.
Wake me when there's something interesting to say.
Actually, don't.